Divorce can be painful for both children and parents. It gets worse when you and your former partner don’t know how to co-parent your children.
We believe there’s a way to work together and co-parent that helps your kids understand this difficult transition.
So here are 3 co-parenting tips to help you as parents and your kids overcome this challenging transition.
Let’s get started.
1. Remaining Neutral When Talking About Divorce
It’s common to see lots of parents after divorce putting down each other in front of their kids. This is never a good co-parenting strategy. Although you’re thinking that your children will agree with you and they will blame your former spouse, the only thing you achieve it’s confusing them and putting them in an awkward situation.
Remember, your kids also love the other parent.
That’s why remaining in a neutral position is key.
Here’s how you can do it:
- Avoid using emotional language for the other parent
- Avoid talking poorly about the other parent with your children.
- Avoid trying to blame the situation on your former spouse.
Here is Carly sharing these tips above in minutes 4:13 – 7:42 in our podcast.
2. Creating a Consistent Schedule
Have you noticed that some kids prefer to spend more time with the other parent rather than you, or vice versa? Well, this happens because you probably don’t have a consistent schedule.
Here are some tips to create a consistent schedule so everyone’s on the same page.
- Figure out a co-parenting weekly schedule.
- Create a kids activities calendar that matches your co-parent schedule.
- Agree with your former partner the time to spend in specific activities such as bedtimes, screentime, and so on.
If you notice carefully, these tips aim to help your kids feel “at home” no matter where they are spending their time. Also, they let you as parents keep consistent coordination of your kids despite you not living together anymore.
Video clip of Carly explaining this in minutes 7:43 – 13:51.
3. Use supporting language for the other parent
Some children tend to adopt different behaviors depending on what household they are in. This is mostly caused by the way parents talk about their separation to their kids. So using the right language when you talk with your kids about the other parent is vital.
And this is exactly what we mean when we recommend using supportive language for your co-parent.
So how can you adopt a supporting language? Here’s what we suggest to follow:
- Keep communication with your co-parent about what your kids say and do, and encourage him or her to do the same with you.
- Avoid kids feeling your pain or anger about your former partner if this is the case.
- You don’t need to accept everything about the other parent, but keep it for yourself. Resist sharing it with your children.
Always try to use supporting language, don’t put down your former spouse in front of your children.
Whatever the facts are, tell your kiddos that this is a situation that involves dad and mom, but it doesn’t affect the relationship with them.
Listen to Carly explaining more about this in minutes 13:53 – 21:15.
We know that the transition process of a divorce can be tricky, but it doesn’t have to be if you keep a neutral position with your kids and former spouse. Work together with the other parent to create a consistent schedule for your kids, and use supportive language that helps your kids accept this transition.
If you or your children could use extra support in creating a co-parenting plan or schedule, please reach out to us today.
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Owner | Child Therapist | LCPC, RPT
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