2 Ways to Shift Your Child’s Mental Outlook

Something I reflect on often is the fact that we all want our children to move from struggle into strength, from worry into hope. But shifting a child’s mindset can feel daunting, especially when internal stress is hidden.

I’m Susan Stutzman, Registered Play Therapist and owner of Kid Matters Counseling. And, over my 20 years working with children, I’ve watched how small, consistent shifts can transform how a child sees themselves and their world.

And this is really important to think about in today’s climate:

I was reading that in Illinois, in repeated surveys between mid-2022 and early 2024, about 50% of parents reported that their child had one or more worsening mental health symptoms such as irritability, anxiety, trouble concentrating.

Then, in another survey, 37% of respondents stated that mental health treatment and access should be a community priority. 

These numbers are specific to Illinois, but can’t be far off from other states. And, it matters to all parents because it shows many families are in a moment of real need, and real opportunity, for intervention and hope.

When a child feels stuck behind anxiety, negative self-talk, or a mindset of “I can’t,” those internal beliefs, left unaddressed, become more believed, creating a mindset shift and can lead to despair, a lack of motivation, big fights between parents and kids or worse.

But you don’t have to wait until it gets bad. Don’t leave this one to chance. With consistent, intentional practices, you can help your child begin to see possibilities again when they are feeling stuck.

I’ve been thinking about how to make small shifts and inspire parents and caregivers to cultivate them in their daily lives. Here are two powerful ways to help shift your child’s mental outlook. Ways that meet them where they are and carry forward momentum.

1. Build Intentional Narratives

Our stories shape us. When children are stuck in “I always fail” or “I’m not enough,” we can help them rewrite their internal narratives by explicitly noticing and naming their strengths.

• At home, pick moments to pause and say: “I noticed how you stuck with that math problem even when it got hard. That shows resilience.” or “You really helped your sibling earlier; you were patient and caring.”

• Encourage your child to tell stories (in play, drawing, journals) about times they overcame something, however small. It builds reflective capacity and thought mentoring abilities. And, if done consistently, over time, these stories become scaffolds for building an increasingly hopeful self-view.

• The practice of building intentional narratives counters the negative bias inherent in anxiety or discouragement and works to shift a child’s attention towards “what went right” or their “strengths”.

2. Scaffold Big Picture Parenting Goals with Small Steps

I grew up in the city of Chicago where there are a lot of brick homes. So, when I think of small steps, I think of how I grew up watching brick buildings be built or get repaired. It was a given there would always be scaffolding for support while building.

Scaffolding isn’t a permanent structure but it is an important part of the set up and work to build or repair a house. Building on the scaffolding analogy (pun intended) is a great way to think about parenting, creating scaffolds for long term success is an important part of the set up and work of child rearing.

And, just like laying brick upon brick takes purposeful planning and intentionality so to focusing on the big picture and breaking it down into small steps through gradual exposures helps your child’s brain learn: “I can do this, bit by bit.”

• If your child is anxious about social situations, start with tiny, safe exposures (e.g., greeting one person, staying 5 minutes, then 10. Always pair these exposures with reinforcement and reflection after each step.
• Celebrate every step forward, not only the endpoint. Even a 2-minute attempt deserves applause. Over time, those micro-wins accumulate momentum.
• Use visual trackers or a progress chart so your child can see their growth, reinforcing a sense of mastery.

These are just a few of my reflections on helping children to move from struggle into strength and from worry into hope. I’d encourage you to give them a try. And, don’t wait until a crisis. There are lots of things you can do now to build and reinforce your child’s mental wellbeing.

If you want help guiding these shifts in your child’s outlook, you sense your child is stuck and needs more support shifting their internal narratives, or you want some guidance on how to scaffold in small attainable parenting steps feel free to reach out and, schedule an appointment with us.

I or another member of my team would be honored to walk with you on this journey.