5 Simple Ways to Help Your Child Become More Independent

As a parent or caregiver, you want to raise a confident, capable child, but sometimes, it can feel like you’re doing everything for them.

Whether your child is struggling to get ready on their own, complete tasks at school, or navigate social situations, it’s easy to wonder: “Will they ever be able to do this without me?”

Many kids, especially those with anxiety, ADHD, or on the autism spectrum, face real challenges when it comes to building independence. And while it’s normal to want to protect and help, doing too much for our kids can sometimes keep them stuck.

Hi, I’m Lauren Hedman, a child and adolescent therapist at Kid Matters Counseling. I work with kids ages 2 to 12 who are navigating anxiety, anger, attention struggles, and big transitions, grow in confidence, connection, and independence.

Today I want to share 5 simple ways you can help your child take ownership of their world, starting with small steps that make a big impact.

1. Start with Visuals

Many kids feel overwhelmed by verbal instructions. If your child struggles with their morning routine and constantly asks, “What do I do next?”

Create a visual morning checklist with simple images and words like: Brush teeth, Get dressed, Eat breakfast or Put on shoes.

Hang it at their eye level in the bathroom or bedroom. Then, instead of repeating instructions, you say: “Check your chart. What’s next?”

Over time, your child starts moving through the routine more independently, with fewer reminders from you.

2. Break Tasks Into Steps

Independence doesn’t come from big leaps. It comes from small wins. If a task feels too big, break it into smaller, achievable steps.

Here’s a scenario: Your child wants to clean their room, but feels overwhelmed by the mess.
Instead of saying, “Clean your room,” break the task down like this:

Step 1: “Start by picking up all the toys and putting them in the bin.”
Step 2: “Next, gather the dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket.”
Step 3: “Now, place books back on the shelf.”
Step 4: “Last step – make your bed.”

For a younger child or one who’s easily overwhelmed, refer back to tip number 1 and use a visual checklist with pictures.

When they complete a step, celebrate it with encouragement by saying, “Awesome job making your bed all by yourself!”

Let them master one part at a time, and celebrate progress, not perfection.

3. Give Them a Role

Let’s say your 5 year old wants to help during dinner time.

You give them the specific role of “napkin helper” and tell them, “Your job is to put one napkin at each spot on the table. That’s your special job every night.”

Over time, they can graduate to more responsibility like, “Now you can also put out the forks!” or “Tonight, can you help pour the water too?”

Start small and be consistent. Over time, this builds real responsibility and pride.

4. Use “Try First, Then Ask”

For example, your child is trying to zip up their jacket before heading out the door. Instead of jumping in to help right away, gently say, “Why don’t you try first, and if it’s still tricky, I’ll be right here to help.”

After trying, they might say, “Can you help me with the zipper?”

Now you can step in with encouragement such as “You got so close! Let me show you a trick for getting it started.”

This teaches your child resilience, problem-solving, and gives them space to grow.

5. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Outcome

We all learn through trying, and sometimes through failure.

Say your child is learning to tie their shoes and tries really hard, but doesn’t quite get it right.

Instead of focusing on the result, say, “I saw how focused you were and how hard you tried. That’s amazing! You’re getting closer every time.”

Even though the shoes didn’t end up tied perfectly, your child hears that trying matters, and that encourages them to keep practicing without fear of failure.

The road to independence can feel bumpy, but you don’t have to walk it alone.

If your child is struggling to do things on their own, or if you’re unsure how to best support them, don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment today. Let’s work together to build the confidence and skills your child needs to thrive.